Speaking into the lives of our children, when they are grown.
Unmet Expectations
Navigating Conversations with Our Adult Children: Finding God’s Timing and Grace
As mothers, our hearts are full of love, wisdom, and a deep desire to guide our children, even as they step into adulthood. We long to share godly counsel with them, hoping that they will embrace the principles we’ve learned through our own walk with the Lord. Yet, in the busyness of life, finding the right time to sit down and have those meaningful conversations can feel impossible. When schedules don’t align, and life pulls us in different directions, the attempts to offer advice often happen on the go, leading to unmet expectations and frustration for both mother and Son or daughter.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. Many mothers face the same struggle, desiring to impart wisdom and spiritual guidance while also respecting the independence of their adult children. How can we navigate this delicate balance? Let’s turn to God’s Word for insight and counsel.
1. Recognize God’s Timing
One of the most challenging aspects of mothering adult children is recognizing that God’s timing may not always align with ours. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” There may be times when our daughters are not ready to receive the advice we long to give, or they may be in a season of listening to God in their own way.
Rather than forcing the conversation into a hurried moment, ask the Holy Spirit to prepare both your heart and your son or daughter’s heart for when the time is right. Trust that God is working in her life, even when you can’t see it.
2. Extend Grace in the Moment
When conversations happen on the go, it’s easy for misunderstandings and unmet expectations to arise. James 1:19 offers us wisdom here: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Instead of pushing for your son or daughter to immediately understand or accept your counsel, take a step back and listen to their perspective. This can diffuse tension and open the door for more meaningful dialogue later.
Grace in the moment means acknowledging that while the conversation may not go as planned, it’s okay. Each interaction is a stepping stone, not the entire path.
3. Set Aside Time with Intention
If you find that important conversations are consistently being squeezed into inconvenient moments, it may be time to set aside intentional time to talk. Proverbs 16:3 encourages us, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Before approaching your son or daughter, pray for guidance on when and how to initiate a dedicated time for discussion.
This might mean scheduling a coffee date or taking a walk together—activities where you can both relax and focus on each other. By making space for these moments, you create an environment where both of you can share openly without the pressure of rushing.
4. Release the Outcome to God
Perhaps the most crucial step is to release the outcome to God. As mothers, we often carry the burden of wanting our advice to be accepted and acted upon immediately. But Isaiah 55:11 reassures us, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Trust that God will use your words in His perfect timing.
Your role is to plant seeds of wisdom and love, but it’s God who will water and grow those seeds in your daughter’s heart. Trust that He is faithful to complete the work He has started in her life.
Moving Forward in Love and Patience
As you move forward, remember that your relationship with your child is a precious gift from God. Keep the lines of communication open, rooted in love and patience. Continue to pray for her, and when the opportunity arises, speak truth gently and with grace.
In doing so, you are not only fulfilling your role as her mother but also honoring God by trusting in His perfect plan for both of you. As Proverbs 31:26 beautifully states, “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” May this be the testimony of your relationship with your child as you navigate these precious, sometimes challenging, moments together.
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